The phrase self-care is everywhere. Getting a manicure? Brunch with the besties? Couple’s massage? Self-care! There is no one way to fill your tank. If self-care means you want to reclaim your creativity, how do we make the time?
What self-care means to me
For me, “Self-care” is more than just personal hygiene or friend time. It has always meant time to be creative. Over the years, that has manifested as time to be still, journal, sing, write poetry, exercise, reflect in nature, do yoga or simply spend time alone. For many, wine with friends or a massage is a wonderful way to feel pampered. Those are all things I still enjoy. As I’ve grown older, they do not always fill my bucket in the way that my heart yearns for when I feel depleted.
For years I said, “when I have the time, I will…” Have you felt this? As a mom of three girls, I’m still waiting for that free time to appear. The big wake-up call I needed came, unfortunately, after two seemingly back-to-back family emergencies a couple of years ago: unexpectedly losing my father and my mother suffering a catastrophic fall. I was thrust into the role of caretaker and it was all-encompassing for quite some time. After the initial shock and overwhelm, those emergencies became the gift I needed to shift my perspective and reclaim my creativity in motherhood and beyond. The extra time I had been waiting to arrive was passing me by. If I didn’t make it, life would take it.
Try something new and fun
- Try a FREE improv class! There are so many ways to reclaim your creativity in motherhood and get outside your comfort zone. I jokingly started calling myself Buzzkill Barbara after the covid quarantine and grind of stay-at-home parenting. So, I spontaneously signed up for an improv class at Sak Comedy Lab as a creative springboard. It was the gift of a safe space weekly where no one expected anything of me except to be present. No parenting allowed! After finishing all of the levels, it has benefitted every area of my life. I highly recommend it across the board.
- Sign up for standup! I also signed up to do standup comedy for the first time, as a part of the Empowering Night of Laughter. Look for blogs about this experience from Punam and I over the next month. It is the most supportive experience and crowd. Both of these felt exciting for me, were goals only for myself and, most importantly, FUN.
- Sign up for a class through the Orange County Library System. From art and beekeeping, sewing and knitting, to photography and videography, there is an abundance of offerings both solo and with children of all ages to help reclaim your creativity. Don’t live in Orange County? Check your local library!
If these suggestions sound like a root canal to you, paint a mural for your kids or family using our how-to as a guide! There are so many other experiences available across a variety of budgets. Don’t be afraid to try something new, that you’ve always been curious about, or spend time in a way that is a perfect fit for you!
How to find time to write
While I still enjoy a long swath of time luxuriously devoted to creating, if I want to write, the only time I am guaranteed is the moment I have the idea. Creativity has become a fluid process. I always say trust your instinct on what will work for you. Below is what has helped me reclaim my creativity.
- First and foremost, take time to decompress. My spark didn’t come back until I had months of improv where I allowed myself to play, free of expectation and judgment. Whatever reclaiming your creativity in motherhood looks like to you, do that first with no pressure to create. Inhabit the space. Let your soul play.
- Get comfortable with the unfinished. This is, by far, what I always come back to. I have removed the pressure to have everything figured out before I get anything started, and it has unlocked the potential for completion of everything. When the feeling is there to create, take a few minutes to jot down the idea, write the poem, journal, whatever. If it’s simply one line of a poem, a new business idea, a original song chorus you’re hearing in your head, documenting will allow you to return to that seedling with a clear head days, months, or years later. Conversely, if you don’t ever write it down, and don’t have the bandwidth to see it through at the moment, you can guarantee the outcome.
- Write in the spaces. Time is fleeting and so are creative ideas. Write during the 15 minutes when naps overlap, the hour after a shower before bedtime, nursing, in the car waiting for curbside groceries…whenever creativity strikes. There is no gift like the present. I’m not perfect and it doesn’t always happen for me. But if I wait for that long, luxurious window of time when the temperature hits 72 degrees and the sunlight peeks through the plantation shutters on a crisp, autumn day, it never will.
- Writing is habitual. The more you do it, the easier it will be. Develop a daily practice of non-judgemental writing where you can look back, reflect, or put away with nary a thought. Your mind and body will thank you. Write morning pages. I love Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way (highly recommend). She describes the concept of morning pages where you free write for three pages, first thing in the morning, without lifting your pen, to unclog the creative brain. While I don’t practice this currently, it has helped on several occasions, and will be something I always go back to if necessary.
- Use tools that are readily available. I love paper journals. But since we are always on the go, I now use my iPhone notes app heavily, and the voice recorder when I’m driving. Sometimes, though, nothing will satisfy like putting pen to paper. It is a religious experience.
What works = what you will actually do
Ultimately, the most effective tips are the one you will actually do. The process of creativity ebbs and flows. Personally, I tended to create more quantity in darker periods. As of late, I have challenged myself to create equally during periods of joy and gratitude. Just because I feel a kinship to one certain type of art doesn’t mean that my audience will feel the same. Plus, the focus on gratitude truly colors my viewfinder in the sweetest hue.
Don’t be afraid to rely on an accountability partner to help push you past your comfort zone. My husband encouraged me to continue taking improv classes when I thought we needed a “family scheduling break” (mom guilt code for time away from family obligations). He was right. Had I not continued on that path, I would have sold myself – and my own actualization – short. Don’t expect to check the box once and expect you “should be” fulfilled for the next several years. You are an evolving human being with ongoing needs. Everyone benefits when mom is feeling cared for.
And YES. If you’re asking, we all want to go to bed earlier, too. Sometimes cleaning up, lunch prep, and being a mom-Uber take up any “me time” hours and bedtime calls. Knowing how to fit in your reclaimed creativity is half the battle to enough water, proper rest, and nutrition. On long days, a dance party while we clean up or a shower might be the only “self-care” we can squeeze in. It’s ok. Once you’ve started that running list of ideas, you can come back to them at any time. No one can take that away.
