Every dang night it’s got to be daddy to put our youngest to bed. The same routine, books, and songs over and over again without break. This is what has led us to saying that I am Simon’s ‘favorite’ parent. I am not sure how it started – maybe because we have two kids and there is two of us, easy to divide and conquer. Somewhere along the line in our attempt to keep things simple at bedtime, I managed the evening routine with our son and Momlando managed the night routine with our (older) daughter.
Our daughter can understand our approach, but our son began to think that only dad could put him to bed. The attachment only got stronger from there. I think we realized what was happening by the time he started only wanting me to do bath or change a diaper and put an end to it spreading quickly. But we are still a little stuck on daddy-only for the bedtime routine.
When I am not around, he loves when mom takes care of him, so we try to be careful with using the term favorite around them. The more you play into having favorites, the more your child will embrace favorites. The more you show your child that it affects you, the more your child will cling to the routine.
Our two-year-old finds comfort in the routine, and that is what he is craving at this stage. I know it can be hard if you are the one the child doesn’t want, but there are things you can do to help curb the behavior.
What to do according to the internet:
- Play it cool – Don’t take it personal if you’re not the favorite, this is a developmental stage that kids can go through and you should be happy they find comfort and security in one of you. The bigger an issue you try to make it with your child, the more they will cling to their favorite.
- Have together time – Instead of only having one parent put the child to bed, have both. After a while you may be able to start switching off again.
- Take advantage of the routine – Kids understand rules and crave routine. Even if they don’t want to accept what the routine is, your child can understand it is part of what you need to do. Simon doesn’t want to brush his teeth. But if I try to do it at the same time every day, he is willing to do it.
What to do according to Dadlando:
- Become a robot – don’t make anything more fun than it needs to be. Simon wants me to change his diaper because we race back to his room and I try to ‘get’ him. I should know better. Of course he wants me change his diaper if it is a game.
- Make small changes – The routine is what Simon loves. The only way I have found to break a routine that you want to change is to slowly evolve it to something else. This is a trick I have perfected after realizing I had to sing the exact same songs and read the same books every night… night after night. For example, we were reading three books at bed (the same three books every night) and after we “lost” them, I told him we could pick two new ones and he never noticed the drop. Once the routine has been broken, you can transition some time back to your other half.
- Nip it in the bud – It was easy for us to get in the routine, but very hard to break it. If you notice you are falling into a routine with your little ones, try to switch things up a little before your child clings to the routine. Make switching off on something part of the rules or routine so that it is easier to understand.
- BONUS! – Complain – Well, not really. I just mean let your partner know that you aren’t having the best time with your little one in case they are having a little FOMO. Being the favorite is a lot of work.
After going through this for more than a year I know that it isn’t about a child having a ‘favorite’ parent. Our boy needs the routine, and he has associated me with a lot of it. But it can go both ways! When Momlando returns home from being out, our kids run to her yelling her name and give her a hug. They, of course, missed her and want to give her a hug, but also it has become a routine that they do. When I return home from being out, I am lucky to get a hug.
I hope this helps someone dealing with a similar situation. Parenting… Am I right? Never a dull moment. Let us know if you have any tips you have picked up along the way!!
