A recent viral video showed a dad filling a bathtub full of bubbles and letting his kids play as the bubble slowly reach up to the ceiling. It looks like a good time! Of course the video was endlessly shared, reformatted, and spun in all directions. I happened to scroll down to read some of the comments on one post and was floored by the general tone of the remarks. A good number of people commented something along the lines of, ‘What happens when dad tries to do bath,’ or, ‘Dad is babysitting the kids again…’ It’s the year 2018, y’all. When dads are taking care of their kids, it isn’t called babysitting. It’s called raising their children.
I have noticed this a lot since becoming a dad. When dads do something that people expect would be part of any normal day in the life of a mom, they heap praise on the father as if they have gone above and beyond their duties. What’s worse is that they say something condescending about how, ‘at least he is trying.’ This needs to stop. And another thing, the default parent people contact or try to coordinate with is always mom. Our doctor or school, they always email or call my wife first, even when I mention that I would be more available due to my office’s proximity.
How progressive can we possibly be when cultural norms won’t progress with us? Most of the time, we aren’t trying to be cute or funny. We are just trying to survive the list of things we must do to get to the end of the day. I have no clue how single parents do it! There is changing the baby, there is dinner, bath, laundry, bedtime, prep to do it all again the next day. The only way to survive in this system where both parents work is for both parents to be ready and willing to handle any task needed.
