Mom does a lot. But to my kids, daddy is the fun guy. And not the just fun guy…he plans dentist appointments, goes grocery shopping, and cleans up around the house. He’s all in. But he’s the fun one.
He’s the daddy let’s play superheroes and tickle monster one. And I’m the mommy, I need a band aid and where is my toy I haven’t played with in five months one. I may plan the adventures but daddy adds the bit of silly fun that makes them memorable.
At least, that’s the narrative I was telling myself until I remembered something, I am fun! But life can be exhausting and even the wild ride of parenthood becomes extremely mundane. I actively work against ‘auto piloting’ this beautiful life of mine. But the dishes still need to be done, lunches, packed, bath time, and more. There’s a lot on the list to make happen.
My son loves his daddy. Daddy does the funniest voices during book time and sings songs in hilarious tones so loudly the walls shake. So I didn’t question why my son was glue to his daddy. Plus, I think daddy is the best too! I married him after all! You’re welcome kids, I picked a good one!
At the end of last year, my husband suggested I plan some one-on-one activities for just the little man and me. Maybe he needed some separate bonding time with mom. And so I got to planning. In January, we had a perfect morning of activities and lunch out and silliness. I didn’t expect it to be a light switch. But it sort of was. Last night my son asked, who is putting me to bed tonight? Mama or dada? And when we answered mama he shouted ‘Yay!’ I waited over a year for that yay.
That’s right, I’m fun too! Don’t worry little man, you’re not the only one who forgot. I totally did too.
I’m make sure lunches are packed mom but I’m also let’s have a dance party, turn a box into butterfly wings – let’s make arts and crafts mama. I almost forgot in the routine of the day I need to put the effort in to actually connect with my kids on their level. To be silly and playful and spontaneous. And who doesn’t need more of that?
Last summer, we had some big deal – we have to figure this out – situations with my daughter. And a lot of the answer at the end of the day was distract her worries with humor. It seems so simple but I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t tell you if I’d ever made her laugh. I’m sure I had, but also not really at all. I worried I wasn’t fun enough to fix things. Worrying about how to fix her worrying, what a spiral.
Out of nowhere, I started this very bizarre ritual. When the kids started melting down I’d pick up their foot and start talking into it like a phone. The first time I did it to V there was such immediate shock she instantly stopped crying and panicking and went into full belly laughs. It became my go-to to break tension and move the needle.
I don’t know if foot phone will last. I’m also not sure if I’ll want to take those tactics when puberty hits and their feet are pure stink. But I’ll adapt when I need to and find something else that works. I trust that the next idea will come. And I’ve had some reassurance that adding a little silliness is always the right move, because I’m fun too.