Every dang night it’s got to be daddy to put our youngest to bed. Oh wait, does this sound familiar? After a great post from Dadlando about what it’s like to be the favorite, I thought I’d report back with my feelings. Because I love talking about feelings, and on this topic I have many.
Raising a second child is fascinating because it can often show you things you skipped with your first. Our daughter may have had preferences of which one of us should do what from time to time. But nothing prepared us for our little boy’s attachment to his daddy.
Here is a list of things that only daddy can do (assuming both parents are present in a room) and when not followed will lead to a very loud ‘NO! DADDY DO ITTTTTTTTT.’:
- Sit on the couch and snuggle
- Read books
- Set up train tracks
- Unbuckle from car seat
- Hold little man in a crowded parking lot
- Give bath
- Put to bed
You get the idea. And hey, daddy is good at so many things. But so is mom. And it’s hard for me to separate my feelings sometimes.
The guilt I have as a mama to not be included in some of these things is major. I am hard wired to think I’m supposed to be the best at all of them. Mommies do things for babies. That’s the socially constructed code and hardwired physiological code that runs through me. But Dadlando is right, Simon is a creature of habit and routine.
What I should be proud of: having a partner who is so invested in his child’s well-being he’ll take on the daily grind of many thankless tasks without a break. Or that our family has pushed the boundaries of what’s ‘normal’ to a point where we’re experiencing a role reversal. And a lot of the time I am. But some of the time, I think of how it has been months since I snuggled my little boy and rocked him in his chair. And that little boy isn’t so little anymore. Soon we won’t need that chair at all and when we count it done I’ll know it was long over for me.
Want to make the best of it? Tips for when you’re not the favorite:
- Don’t make your kiddo feel bad by asking why they don’t love you, what’s wrong with mom, etc. They’re a kid – you’re the grown up. Deal with your stuff with other grown ups.
- If you have to cry, go outside. Seriously just take a little walk and calm down.
- Take inventory of the special moments you share in a day with your little one. There are probably many more than you realize. It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong but we can train our brains to seek out what’s going right.
My little boy heads to bed each night saying, “I love you mama!” And when I hear it, I am reminded that second place is still a great place to be.
