Do you know why you never see your friends? Or have a routine date night? Or go out by yourself? I do. It’s this mental math we moms do about how much we should be with our kids.
Here’s my favorite scenario: I miss my girlfriends terribly I think to myself. I really need time away to decompress. I want to talk, just talk, without interruption from any number of children and babies, like real connected time with your gals. I text a friend to hang out. We look for a date on our calendars that will work. Can’t find one for six weeks. Set a date. Put it down on the calendar and countdown. And if you’re a mom like me, I don’t need to tell you that there’s already a 75% chance that’s getting canceled. Somebody is getting sick or a car will break down or any other number of life things that will get in the way.
Let me scroll back in my head to the point where we both look at our calendars to find a date. And let me tell you how it goes for me. And maybe for you? I don’t wish this mental tally I’m about to display upon you but wouldn’t it be nice to not be alone? It would for me.
When I look at my calendar, the first thing I look at is how many evening work meetings I have that week. If there is one I most likely won’t book anything. The mama guilt I have for working sometimes on nights and weekends is huge. Sometimes though when the situation demands, I’ll get real creative and try to space things out. If I’m working late on a Friday night but my friend wants to have dinner on Tuesday that could work. That’s enough days apart. I like to lessen the sting by spacing things out.
This doesn’t leave a lot of room to do all the things. If I go out one time a week without my husband or kiddos I’m saying no to a lot of other things. I’m saying no to a lot of people.
I try to sneak things into these crazy pockets of time like weekday breakfast or lunch. I take my time to write the blog at 5:30am on Saturday mornings at Starbucks. I go to my 6am workouts at the gym. I don’t want to inconvenience my husband and have him be alone with the kids for too long too many times. And I don’t want my kids to think I’m not there for them as much as they need.
But the time away makes me a better person. I crave it. I tell myself when the kids get older there will be more time. Less counting calendar days and spreading things out. More yes. More time. I hope I’m right.
