“I’m scared there’s not enough room in my heart to love a second baby as much as my first.” Have you heard it? Have you said it? When you’re a first time mom, you hold that little baby in your arms and every feeling is amplified by millions. You’ve never been so scared or excited, so in love or so tired, so overwhelmed with the feelings that you are simultaneously never alone and always lonely. But the love, the love of that little person is so strong it brings you to your knees. And as time goes by you start to think about having a second but you can’t imagine there’s enough room for more love. You’ve stretched to the brink and opened yourself more than you ever thought possible. Is there more at the bottom of that well that you pour into this kid each and every day?
I know I thought all these things and feared all these fears. And yet I wanted a second baby so bad. Clearly I hadn’t learned the biggest lesson, the one absolute truth of motherhood. Your heart will open more and more every day, for the rest of your life.
And here’s the thing I didn’t realize. They are loved more because there are more people at home to love them. The love my husband and I have for our son is rivaled by that of the love his sister has for him. She’s the one that makes him giggle hysterically more than anyone else. And when he needs help with Mr. Potato Head, he takes it to her. They play in the bath, on the porch, at the park, and in the car. When I don’t understand what he’s saying and ask a second time, she’s quick to interpret. We are grownups guiding them through a great big world. But they are a tiny team of two, learning the world together.
My second kid is loved not one bit less. Of course my heart stretched and tore open again as I watched the magic of their relationship bloom. It leaves my mouth agape and at times in tears when I hear them conversing in the car. I marvel at the imaginary games they make up, the arguments they get in and quickly resolve, and the way they comfort each other through tears.
There was nothing sillier in the world than to think my gorgeous little boy would be loved any less. Our world was not complete without him. I was not complete without him. That is the magic of motherhood, your soul just keeps opening up and filling up and making room for more.
