I think my daughter’s perfect day would be to dig in the dirt sunup to sundown, catch bugs, and run around outside. But she’ll want to do it all in a sparkly princess dress with her nails painted pink. She’s four now, a very big girl as far as she’s concerned. But to me, she’s still so little. And it’s hard to know what the right time is for things.
It’s been about two years since she started to ask to paint her nails. And I’ve said no for several reasons. Not the least of which is I barely have time to paint my own nails. I can’t keep up with another person’s manicure maintenance. But also, she’s little! So little! And I want her to stay little! Everyone is different and has to make their own rules on the right time for things. But it can be difficult when she sees other girls her age with pink nails and sparkles.
It wasn’t long after the painted nails she wanted to play with my makeup. I freaked out. As with so many things in motherhood, I suddenly questioned everything I had known. I questioned every single ingredient in my products and if they were safe. My sweet friend Jan has helped me with this and introduced me to Beautycounter. Now I know my products are safe, but does it make it okay for my little girl to wear makeup? How long do you think I can push it? High school prom? Just kidding. Maybe. I do think back to silly moments of my childhood I cherish so much. Memories of putting on electric blue eyeshadow and hot pink blush with my sisters and thinking we were so grown up and gorgeous. Our babysitter tried to explain cool girls didn’t wear blue eyeshadow. What did she know?!?
Since my daughter was born people have been asking when we’ll get her ears pierced. But years ago a friend had told me she hadn’t pierced her kids ears because it was their body and a choice they should make. And this blew my mind. This felt right to me the moment she said it. I want my daughter to know her body is her own and that she is in control. I can’t just put holes in her ears without her consent.
The world is so different today. Salons have tiny kid-sized pedicure stations. Kids grow up so fast. It can be hard to set boundaries! So here’s how I’m making peace with finding the right times for things in our family:
- Educate myself on health and beauty products that my family uses.
- Let my daughter play with makeup from time to time at home. When it’s not forbidden it’s a little less exciting.
- Trust my gut on what’s right for our family and not worry what other people are choosing to do.
- Talk with her father and agree upon allowable ages for things.
- Relay these rules by saying, ‘In our family we…’
- Say yes whenever possible, to princess dresses as pajamas, to playing in the dirt. And to all the wondrous things that are magical in childhood.
How have you found balance on the right time for things for your kiddos?
2 comments
I love this! My sister and I have talked about some of these things as my niece becomes interested since it seems like so much of the timing has changed since we were kids. There are so many questions like this in parenting, especially for girls (though my son does like to play with my makeup from time to time!) and I totally agree with you that it’s about each family figuring out what’s best for them.
It does seem like there are so many more for girls – I think that’s what is even harder! It’s like how many societal norms do I want to sign her up for?!
Comments are closed.